I hardly know what to say. I’m heartbroken. My daddy passed away just after midnight Sunday and I’ll never quite be the same. Because he was my hero.
I still call him daddy because that was his favorite name. I was his baby girl. I loved him more than words.
Before I said “I love you” after running to him in the ER, I last spoke to my daddy at little C’s birthday party. He wasn’t feeling well at all, and at some point he had a heart attack that day. I’m so glad I sat down beside him and gave him a big hug at the party. Only a couple hours before he passed away, he told my mom “tell Julie I love her.” Who would’ve thought in their wildest dreams I would be getting the terrible news merely hours later.
Too soon. My dad was just 64, and I can’t sleep at night anymore thinking about him constantly. And I’m thinking about my mom as well, who my dad nursed back to health the last four months. And then I’m thinking about little C missing his grandpa. It’s all too much. Heartbreaking.
In August, my mom nearly passed away from a freak tick-borne illness (see here). I could easily be mad at the world and God right now asking why me, but instead I’m leaning heavily on my faith and His grace to get me through. I don’t quite understand why all of this has happened to our family. Or even why God chose daddy over mom. I’ll never know or understand.
All I can do now is focus on what’s ahead and remember the amazing times I had as his daughter. It was all so sudden that I’m still in shock. I replay that night in the hospital that I dropped down to the floor absolutely weeping, my entire body numb when I heard the news.
No, life will never be the same. But each day will get better. I think. And I’ll rely on friends and family to get through it. I’m trying to be strong for little C. And I hope that I can continue to write this blog normally again, eventually. It’s weird right now, ya know?
So…this is where I’ve been. The hospital, a visitation and a funeral. It’s so surreal. Please pray for our family during this tough holiday season and God bless.
I love you up to the sky and down to the ground, daddy, and I miss you so, so terribly. Thinking of you and loving you always. — your little girl